Archive for March, 2010

Gravy Transfusion

March 23rd, 2010

“I bet for an Indian, shooting an old fat pioneer woman in the back with an arrow, and she fires her shotgun into the ground as she falls over, is like the top thing you can do.”

-Jack Handy

Hey guys, it’s Dr. Roddy here.  Drs. Marcus and Chaz have their niche, so I’m throwing my ring into this hat (lol, I’m on call, this is what happens when you go without sleep!).

Anyway, today I worked with three patients all of whom were so large they almost didn’t survive their surgery!  Certainly their size also contributed to why they were there in the first place, but every step of the way for them has been more dangerous, costly, and stressful for everyone involved.  One lady was so big we thought gravy was going to come out when they made incision!

Alright, bad joke…but not really (cuz it’s funny AND tasteless).  You can’t take this topic too seriously, because too serious means you don’t talk about it.  Seriously!  You’re my patient, you’ve crept up in weight to the point that people wonder how you put clothes on!  Dang!  Let’s talk about it!  Addressing the health consequences without discussing the cause is just sweeping it under the rug…and that’s not cool in the long run.  Embarrassment is not a good enough reason to ignore this!

What can we do to reverse someone who’s gone so far down that path?  Truthfully, I don’t know the answer to that.  It takes a lot to stop years of putting on weight.

But as a doc who’s a jock and loves to rock hard abs, I think the solution starts with prevention.  Don’t GET that way.  Learn early what the good choices are, and do whatever you can to make them every day!  It isn’t easy for me, but it’s no harder than anyone else.  I have my advantages and disadvantages.  That’s the gift basket I was born with, and we each have one.

Alright, dude, how do I turn the early tide, or keep myself from “bigness.”

Step one: Figure out where you stand.

It all starts by asking the tough questions and answering them honestly…How would you rate your health?  What would a doctor say about your health?  What does he or she know about health and what does he or she see in you that explains his or her thoughts?

If you can answer these three questions, it will go a long way to keeping you where you need to be.  Education and determination are the anti-obesity drug.

Let me be the Guinea pig.  How do I rate my health?  Well, I think my health is pretty good.  I’m not as strong or in as good of cardio shape as I used to be, but I did finish a half marathon on Sunday, and I can still get through my lifting and core (yoga) workouts pretty consistently.  I eat well most days a week, including fruits and vegetables.  I splurge on bad food weekly, but try and limit the amounts.  I don’t sleep as much as I’d like.  I have a good support system at home.  In general, I’m doing pretty good.

My doctor…wait, I don’t have one!  (Strike one) I am a doctor, though.  My, this is awkward…self-prostate exams are the worst!  A doctor would say my health is excellent in terms of risk avoidance and general nutrition/exercises.  Sleep is poor, and stress is high.  Drinking alcohol and meeting ladies are risks.  Accidents are risks, too.  Seeing a doctor for a yearly check up is a must at 30 years old.  Overall, though, doing okay.  Room to improve, and things to watch out for duly noted…

What does the doc know that makes him say that?  Well, he knows my behavior, and he knows what risks are most dangerous for someone in my age range and for one who has the daily demands I have.  But the positive assessment comes from the avoidance of major risks and embracing good choices that bode well for health down the road.  I’m making educated decisions because as a physician there is no “ping” or disconnect between my choices and my knowledge of where to expend my efforts on behalf of my health.  Where are you spending your efforts?  Are they spent in the best place for your age, obligations, and goals?

No one is perfect, but hopefully I can share some thoughts that will help everyone get closer to good health now, and avoid those bigger problems (pun intended) down the road!  Take the time to answer your Step One questions and you’ll know what’s missing for you…
“A recent police study found that you’re much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.” -Dennis Miller

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On Cats: Fluffy Fluffer

March 22nd, 2010

Ladies.  That’s right.  It’s on my my mind.  It’s how I roll.

There is something about the so-called ‘fairer sex’ that seems to occupy a good 17-120% of my brain, depending on the situation, the amount of mind-altering substances I’ve consumed, and my last self-love.  It’s amazing how girls can be all-consuming.  Even in some of the most stressful times, I’m still aware of how not hot many of my colleagues are; it’s like they’re a background program running on your computer.  Omni-freaking-present.

This annoys me greatly.  Girls, you are such a pain in my proverbial pain in my a$$, an Achilles heal—so intrinsically a part of me, yet such a weakness.  You take an accomplished, intelligent, good looking, cultured guy like me and ruin me.  I get built up to think that if I am all these awesome things that give me some sort of clout or respectability.  I should have a full dance card.  I will get my groove on.   Don’t come knockin’ because I’m always gonna be rockin’.

Nay, friends.

I still have to beg, borrow, steal, pay for $#!+, call more than I’d like, and everything else on the planet in spite of the fact that most ladies would be lucky to end up with such quality gentlemen as we.  In fact, just the fact that I’m half the things I am makes me think I did it for them in the first place.  Now that really pisses me off.

This is a mystery I’m committed to exploring.   An obligation to mankind, blind squirrels just trying to get a nut.  Or two.

Men, I’ve decided it’s like herding cats.  In fact, cats and girls share a lot of remarkable similarities, body hair, sandpaper tongue, and allergenicity aside.  My life with cats summarizes my dating experience pretty well.

I’m convinced, infact, that ‘they’ may descend from some common ancestor, perhaps.  I mean, cats are so cute.  Little fluffy muffin kitties that do the funniest things, are soft, graceful, and sleek.  But then again, they have teeth, make people sneeze, and kill baby birds.   There’s a love-hate thing going on here.

Cats aren’t exactly the best pets, but it’s so annoying when they don’t want to hang out with you.  It makes you want to be near the cat more.  Cat, I think to myself, You would fulfill me if I could just pet you and hear you purr in appreciation. The cat is sitting there, looking at me, ready.  Or better yet, begging for a pet: the cat walks up to me and rubs my leg, purring it’s little kitty a$$ off.   So close to completion, I reach down to pet cat.   It backs away.  Sudden ire wells up within me.  WTF, cat?  Are you high on cat nip?  Did you NOT just come up to me, all cute and furry-fluffy, jonesing for some scratchies?  Now you back away like I just did a gloveless prostate exam on a rhino.

So then I try and coax the cat with all sorts of treats and sticks with a feather on it and little toys just for the “privilege” of scratching its neck—forget about my needs completely.  “Here, kitty!” No response.  Now I have to embarrass myself.  I get down on the cats level, start making cooing noises I’m somehow programmed to think will be effective (where did I learn this?).  Cat looks nonchalant, unconvinced, maybe even dismissive.

This cat is effing hilarious

Now I’m annoyed.  You little piece of…fed up, I take one step toward this cat.  Cat takes off like a—wait for it—cat-out-of-hell.  It hisses at me like I’m the devil, jukes me out of my shoes, and bobs/weaves its way under some couch.  I was trying to be nice, KITTY. Now, in your little cat brain, I’m the bad guy, and aren’t going to come near me for a week.  Trying to avoid this, I’m down on my knees trying to get you out from under the couch.  I’m apologizing to A COUCH; for twenty minutes—that is before you decide to run out the other end of the couch and into another room just to prove your point.  You know what? Eff you, cat.

The problem is, at some point a bit later, the cat comes back.  She’s really hungry and needs me to feed her.  Suddenly, the cat is really nice and things go smoothly.  And I, gullible me, I hook it up.  Because for those few, precious moments I feel like I’m special.  I catch a glimpse of the way I wish it always was, or could be.  Everything makes sense.  It makes me want to pet you…

See why I’m annoyed?  I think I’m running things, but I’m not at all! That’s kind of a summary of my dating life, both the brief episodes (a.k.a hooking up) and the lengthy relationships (a.k.a. disasterville).  Why should a bad$$ Dr. Chaz have to deal with this $#!+? It’s time to figure out how to deal with the cats who just don’t “get it.”  It’s my mission to expose the way it is in my search for the way it ought to be.  Where will this all lead?

Why here, kitty-kitty…

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Massacre the Messenger

March 4th, 2010

“Honk if you love Jesus!”

Just this evening, I informed a nurse that we would be delaying a case for 45 minutes due to a patient’s recent ingestion of liquids.  Nil per os or “NPO” guidelines are logically and somewhat evidence based, and quite traditional in surgery.  The allotted time made us consistent with the recommendations, but the nurse’s immediate response was rude and cantankerous because in her view of things it went against her expectations.  She started a scene in front of several other staff, used provocative phrases like “you people,” and confrontational judgments like “ridiculous.”  Ultimately, my attending made the decision, so all of her commentary did nothing more than insult me and create a negative scenario in front of others.  She has yet to apologize.

I recently had a co-resident go downstairs to check on a patient scheduled to eventually go up to surgery.  Upon seeing an anesthesia person, the attending surgeon immediately started gathering his things to go to the surgery.  She informed him that she was not there to pick up the patient, but to prepare them, and suddenly found herself in the middle of what can only be described as a “hissy fit” or “temper tantrum” to anyone who witnessed it.   In an inappropriate tone of voice, he began criticizing her, the anesthesia staff, the hospital, his breakfast, and anything else he could think of that could be included in his lambasting reverie.

How did the message relayed to the nurse create such negative energy?  What did it accomplish, especially if wasn’t even in the patient’s best interest?  Why did this bit of information, relayed to a surgical attending—a head surgeon and leader—create such havoc?  What’s more, how did it further the patient’s needs?

Medicine boils down to empathy toward a suffering human that creates a blind sense of self-righteousness in the empathizer and gives them a sarcastic and critical tone towards the rest of humanity.

A nurse attempted to burden me with her indignation because of her perception that she was the only advocate for this patient.  On the floor, my fellow resident went from a functioning cog in the machine to a frustrated, unfocused, and emotionally hurt unit for the same reason.  What makes this issue become a real problem is the after-effect.  Our frustration at being attacked spread to everyone we told.  It made us less effective and distracted.  It made us shorter with others.   Thus, each interaction afterward created more insult, negative feelings, and slower action.

Stressed out and anxious to accomplish their goal for the patient, the nurse and attending physician took out their frustration without thinking.  Both reacted immediately, and directed their disagreement at whomever they saw before them.  Then, as the thinking began to expand beyond the current circumstances, they started to incorporate all the other groups (“you people,” “the hospital”) that might be involved in creating a situation outside of his and her expectations.

Had their thinking been broad in the first place, they would have seen that we are all advocating for the current patient, as well as the others we must take care of.  Then their expanded thoughts produce camaraderie, not criticism.

This phenomenon of verbally massacaring the “offending” messenger occurs constantly in the medical profession.  I believe that it occurs as a result of the human stress or fight/flight response.   In a life-threatening situation, our danger alarms are triggered.  We immediately trigger defenses and strategies to repel the threat.  We hone in on the present conflict with all of our senses.  Our body and mind tenses and prepares for a battle!

These things are vital in a life-threatening situation, but certainly not in a hospital setting!  Focusing on one situation creates danger for the patient, and the other patients who are neglected.  It ignores information, a doctor’s most valuable asset.  It predisposes us to repel help, other ideas.  It sets us up for conflict, eliminating teamwork.  All of these issues are terrible risks!

One might think that nothing threatens medical professionals, in other words nothing triggers the fight/flight response.  But our mind’s other pathways—those that process anger, bad news, frustration—overlap with the stress response.  Moreover, our tired and over-worked baseline pre-disposes us to feeling easily threatened.  Medical education and the medical/legal institution teaches through pressure, criticism, and judgment.  The stress response becomes increasingly sensitive under these circumstances.

When someone honks at us at an intersection, if we’re honest with ourselves, our first reaction usually involves berating the individual honking at us.  Usually, we have a few fleeting thoughts of that person’s car having a piano fall on it, our some other horrible-yet-deserved tragedy.  Only after a moment do the other factors working their way into our head to help us “see the light.”  Not just the one that has been green for 10 seconds but we missed because we’ve been texting.  Instead, it’s the light shed on us and the situation: the horn isn’t necessarily a threat!  Maybe our behavior caused the problem (it did in this case–text later!), perhaps that person has a pressing place to be (like the hospital?) or is simply being polite to let us know.  Maybe they want us to realize we are discourteously wasting others time and providing a hazard on the road.  Maybe we have a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if you love Cheez-its!”

No one honks at a PJ

No one honks at a PJ

The messenger behind us was right to honk, we conclude, but only after we overcome our stress response—and hopefully before we lashed out!

So why do medical professionals seem to have such a poor ability to overcome that stress response?  I suspect it has to do with the nature of medicine I noted above, and perhaps some ego sprinkled in.  The risks of treating other humans, the pace, the workload, the poor personal health habits, the legal and economic pressure, and everything else involved in creating the frenetic pace and the lifestyle of working in medicine all contribute.  That horn’s message grates on our psyche way more when we’re leaving a long day at the office than when we just got out of a massage after a restful weekend.  Under constant, intense pressure our behavior becomes reactive and instinctual.  We lose our ability to contextualize our circumstances and lose perspective.

What would happen if the stress level diminished and medical pros could react effectively?  With perspective, the nurse who inquired about my patient realizes that I am acting in the patient’s best interest and becomes a part of the team.  If she feels a disagreement, she knows that my attending is the one in charge and discusses the issue with her.  The surgeon realizes that my fellow resident is there to prepare the patient for surgery.  He reminds himself that we are all dedicated to a patient’s well being, but that includes all the patients in the hospital, some of whom unfortunately have more pressing needs.  He reflects upon his experience with emergencies of his own and his knowledge of the limited manpower available after peak operating room hours.  He considers the hierarchy of the hospital before deciding where his concerns will be most usefully voiced.  In all, he appreciates the process, finds something else to do while he waits, and later contacts the appropriate channels to see what can be done to improve the system.  My fellow resident continues functioning effectively.

Where does ego come in to play?  Many people in the medical profession thrive off the concept that their work validates their existence.  Other work takes on a less relevant feel.  Others over commit to this one thing—perhaps because they must to keep up intellectually, or because they choose to for its reward in gratitude and stature, or because that’s their personality—and so their value becomes related to their position.  Sadly, bad news really does become a threat to them on a certain level.

The pugilistic verbal confrontations that occur with information exchange call to mind “anger management” issues.  I’m mad my case isn’t going right now, and I’m too stressed to realize it’s the nature of the situation, so I’ll take it out on whoever is around.  This is immature, does nothing to alleviate the problem, and in the end usually creates a few—and the patient and other patients all lose.  Instead of driving forward with the green light and committing ourselves to pay better attention, it’s like we get out of the car and start a fight about getting honked at.  There is no justification.

Not everyone will agree with this perspective.

Some people make a living off of the system’s brokenness.  Others use the system and ignore the broken parts.   The latter have convinced themselves that some people don’t act appropriately, or are lazy or less motivated.  But they are working hard toward their personal goal, wrapped in the sheep’s skin of patient care.  In fact, they might not see everyone else working hard, and in the right direction. One truly seeking to make medicine work—and therefore last—needs to focus on the really obvious broken parts.  The fundamentals of why medicine feels wrong right now.

And in general, next time we hear bad news or out hackles get raised by someone clueing us in to something we weren’t expecting, we should take a minute to consider things a bit further.  First, to whom will voicing our concerns be most effectively done?  Second, what about the situation might we be missing?  Third, what issues in our lives might be limiting our ability to step back and see the forest instead of just this single tree?  And finally, what good will it do to massacre the messenger?

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